Long timeeeee

Once again I forget I even have this blog and never update it. Since last post I had been playing 25nl beating it for about 6bb/100 over the past like 20k hands or so, but had cashed out most of the winnings to survive IRL. Then bout 2 days ago I lost nearly half my roll (bout 10 buyins) in like 3000 hands. I think bout 1 buyin of tilt total in that, all were standard or epic coolers against aggro donks which is what made it the worst. KK vs AA, QQ vs KK, QQ vs AK, TT vs 88 ON T8x8 board and so on. Was 7 buyins below ev and that doesnt even count the flips and just preflop coolers i had. So i cashed out all but 100 dollars and moved down to 5nl. Got so bored with 5nl in the first 10 minutes that I moved up to 10nl with only 10 buyins but have already built it up to 170 in 1500 hands (bout 30 from FPP converting) but am still killing it for 25+bb/100.

With all the loose fish at 10nl it really makes me play tigher and probably better so I need to actually maintain this at 25nl when I get a chance to move back up.

Update

No updates since I have played very little poker, decent month last month with low volume, bad start to this month so far but again small sample.

As for life, who knows. I feel more and more astranged from all that I feel important, the longing to feel wanted has been growing. The things that I value and want seems further away now than ever and I have become more and more enclosed in a world I cannot withstand.

Another good day

Yesterday was a pretty darn nice day at the office. Started down almost two buyins but it picked up pretty quick, ran pretty hot and ended up +65 on the short 2 hour session. Not a bad way to go out before moving up.

Brand new day

YES finally stopped running so bad, afternoon session was blah, but evening session was pretty damn fine. I was up nearly 50 at one point but KK vs AA set me back near the end. Overall a much better feeling about my game and my stats and mostly my graph are back to where I want them to be.

Better day? Not quite

Morning session went well, evening session not so much. Didn't lose anything but 3 buyins under ev and breaking even over 1600 hands is fun

Donkey fucking tilt.

Last two days have been the roughest in terms of poker, it is so frustrating to not even be able to beat the lowbie nothing stakes. It is fucking redic how bad I can run while every fish flops trips or quads on me every other hand.

If I keep running like this I will be broke in no time.

Stress??

So today is the 11th, I can't say anything for the date other then it speaks to me in two ways, one far more important to my day to day life than the other, or to anything that my existance contains. I got her flowers last night, and put them in her room as a surprise, seemed pleased but passively irritated. Maybe I am just inventing stuff in my head, but I feel a distance growing between us which is the last thing I want in the world. I know I am not a great BF, not even a decent one, but I love her without a thread of doubt. I just want this stress, this worrying to end so I can get back to what I love, back to how it was.

No poker for a while, probably won't play again for a few days.

Lovers and acquaintances

there is no in between

I'm pretty sick to my stomach now, pretty sick of the way things work around here. Sick of my roommate (or more or less doormat), sick of the people I call "friends". Why waste valuable time with people who just aren't there, that have no respect, no dignity for themselves or you. There is nothing true in this world, nothing whole and good hearted left in people. There is just you and your actions. Sometimes you must sit in the dark to finally see the light.

I'm not exactly what this blog will be about, or if I will even use it much at all, but for now I feel like sticking my head into an oven.